Midwife in the Tire Swing

Abraxas—C.G. Jung and Jesse Ventura

Abraxas

Amulets and seals bearing the figure of Abraxas were common in the second century, and were used as recently as the thirteenth century in the seals of the Knights Templar. By medieval times, Abraxas was relegated to the ranks of demons.

Abraxas resides at the top of the Supreme Being pecking order and affords us the long-awaited answer to “Why does God let bad things happen?” The answer: “Because you piss Me off.” One of the Knights Templar demon gods, Abraxas is often depicted with his open beak faced heavenwards in a gesture of defiance. His name contains the numerological value of 365, which is the number of days in the year, or the number of heavenly spirits. This may be why gods are seldom seen except as an allegory with an attribute or two, in say heroic-sized canvasses of chasms and pinnacles and outdoor imagery suggestive of sexual prowess unleashed—mountain torrents coursing down narrow gorges, plummeting waterfalls and the like. Or a chicken.

In the 1990 movie Abraxas, Guardian of the Universe, Abraxas, a 10,000-year-old lawman from deep space, is played by Jesse Ventura. For the purposes of this book Jesse is a former governor of Minnesota employed by Lucy Hobart as a charm against senile dementia. Carl Gustav Jung published the Septem Sermones ad Mortuos, or Seven Sermons to the Dead, privately in 1916. [which called Abraxas a god higher than the Christian God and devil that combines all opposites into one beingWikipedia, emphasis mine.]

Abraxas, Lucy Hobart as the “Chicken Wizard” in this tale, is the unitary godhead whose name appears in Gnostic writings. The Midwife posits that an old gent in bib overalls with brass rivets is no more strange than a burning bush or jackal-headed anthropomorph. Well, not much. Engraved on amulets, Abraxas is a creature with the head of a rooster in full military kit with a whip or flagellum in his right hand, a shield in other, a crown on his head and two snakes instead of legs.

Jesse Ventura (or James George Janos, his civilian name) would not be born for some decades to come. C.G. Jung’s The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious is quoted in Chapter 9: ‘For such is the name for that which abides outside holiness,’ in an attempt to evoke Lucy Hobart: “I must have been stuck in this geriatric petting zoo for some reason. Well...” Lucy has a string of mousetraps and a plastic bag from the Red and White, liturgical instruments that a god might well envy—enough, surely. Being a god is no small thing.

The name Abraxas has been commemorated by diehard Gnostics and the seminal guitarist Carlos Santana, a California high school, and a Marvel Comics traverser of the multiverse. Oh, yes—and an oil company (NASDAQ symbol AXAS) with an operation in the Bakken formation occupying about 200,000 square miles of the subsurface of the Williston Basin, underlying parts of Montana, North Dakota, Saskatchewan and Manitoba, Permian Basin (Texas) and the Eagle Ford shale on the Gulf. By medieval times, Abraxas was relegated to the ranks of demons, while in our day the aforementioned high school’s sports mascot was an eagle rather than a chicken, however fierce.

Conclusion: Abraxas is a Supreme Being whose name lingers on in the Gnostic Tarot and the “Abracadabra” inflected by children’s party magicians during the ice cream course. Lucy Hobart is a major pain in the ass and Abraxas, who will live forever, both. Or not.

“In this world is man Abraxas, the creator and the destroyer of his own world...”
—C.G. Jung (Sermo VII)

“Passing out is a survival ploy on the part of the chicken. They fake death in the hope that you will become bored and eventually go away.”
—Lucy Hobart

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